I’m painfully reminded why I’ve never taken a social science class before, it’s very non-technical and involves too much “emotion.” That’s my knee-jerk impression after attending my first night of class for the sociology of death and dying. Why in the world would I take such a course? Mostly for very good reasons, I need to fulfill a social science requirement for graduation and this class appeared to be just as good as any other in the sessions I could choose from. I just don’t think it’s the right class for me.
To start with, the class has 20 people in it, that’s almost twice as many as my last class. The room feels crowded to me, and with so many people I don’t feel the urge to participate, though a portion of our grade is going to be on class participation. My last class I participated in real well, but this one is going to be more difficult.
The second problem, as it relates to class participation, is that I probably have much different beliefs about death and the grieving process. Most folks are big on funerals, viewing the deceased in a casket, making a big deal, crying, wailing, etc. I can understand a bit of emotion tied to the loss of a loved one, it’s happened to me; however, I sometimes wonder if I am more comfortable in my faith because I look at death (of others) as a release from the burdens of this life, a victory which none of us living can truly understand. For me, a funeral is a celebration of life, not death.
I don’t believe in open casket funerals. I think they are somewhat barbaric, displaying a dead body for all to gaze at, many times made up to the point some folks don’t even recognize. I’m reminded of a friend I had once who had her father die. When she got to the funeral home she found him all made up and placed in the casket but looking nothing like he usually did. She became furious, and when the funeral director would take no action, she wheeled her father out of the room on her own, fixed him up like everyone knew him and wheeled him back out. Her premise was, if we are going to remember him for who he was, then he should look like who he was. It seems to me, she wasn’t really thrilled with the open casket thing either.
Another reason I don’t like open caskets is because I’ve seen living loved ones who have had to be ripped from the casket and taken away. it’s a very sad scene when a distraught relative practically tries to get into the casket with the dead body, or grabs an arm of the deceased and begins to shake them violently trying to wake them up. It’s like they don’t understand death and can’t accept it. It’s not pleasant to view people so distraught. It distracts me from celebrating the good life the deceased had while they were living. Keep the casket closed, it’s enough of a reminder that my friend or relative is dead and we will be laying them to rest. I already know I will never see them alive again, I’d rather keep “living” memories in my mind rather than have one last memory of them laying in a casket dead.
One of the things we are going to be discussing in class is how Americans have “sanitized” the dying process and death in general. We tend to simply put people out of our minds until they are dead, have a funeral then plant them in the ground. We’ve taken away the closeness of the human condition during death, we’ve become numb to it. Our class is going to explore the sociology of medicine, elderly care, hospice and the dying process. We will learn about death in a whole new view. I think, but can’t be sure, that this class is supposed to teach us how to be more acceptable of death, how to be more emotionally attached to the dying process, to not be fearful of it.
I don’t really want to be in this class. After just one evening, I found myself lost because the content was not technical enough for me to take notes on. It was much more ethereal in the sense that the instructor just appeared to ramble on about death and dying, in the end simply paraphrasing almost verbatim section from the first two chapters in our book. I’m unclear on what we are really supposed to be learning or what the goals of the class are. These complaints seem to be my foundation for dislike of the class and what makes me think it’s why I’ve never wanted to take a social science class. This class is not going to be an easy one for me, but I’ll get through it.
Asa Jay
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