Another six weeks down and one more class finished toward my degree. The grades were about a week late in coming, finally being posted today. Now with a final passing grade, I feel comfortable in writing about the class and moving on. I have 18 more to go, that’s two less than when I started.
I’m not a “sociology” kind of guy, I’m more technical. Social sciences and humanities courses are the types I have avoided like the plague for years, even decades. I started out finding the class very much against my better tastes; however, as I was determined to make the best of it, I found the material grew on me in a positive way. By the time the course was finished, I was happy I had endured, learned a lot and hopefully became a better person for it.
The Sociology of Death and Dying was a very depressing course overall and through it, even after it, I feel drained, depressed and in a rather morbid mood. I’m sure I’ll shake it off as spring blossoms in full and I move through my next course. I would recommend the course to anyone else interested in the subject or who will be working in a social industry dealing with death, dying or the bereaved. I would only caution them to be aware the course can be depressing but well worth the effort.
In our final weeks of this last course in Death and Dying, I learned something about myself; I learned that I’m still grieving over the loss of a girlfriend. Not a girlfriend who had died, but one I lost many years ago; one I wanted to marry, but never did; one who moved away before I felt comfortable with myself. What I learned were the definitions of loss, bereavement and grief. Loss is the physical separation from something, be it the death of a family member or friend, pet, the loss of a limb, organ or some other physical impairment. Bereavement is the state of being deprived of the attachment and grief is the mental or emotional state of a person who is bereaved. It seems complicated, but isn’t really. There are a few elements that make up bereavement and grief: a relationship, a loss and the person being deprived.
In my case, the relationship was the one I had with this girl, this woman who entranced me so much I fell head over heels in love. The loss was when she left, almost 20 years ago, and I’m the one left being deprived. So you see, when she moved away it was a loss similar to losing her to death. I’ve never seen her again. Even though I heard from her a few times in the initial years afterward, each time I lost contact again it started my bereavement again, and the grieving process. I would enter a state of depression over her loss, and it still affects me today. This class helped me understand that fact, even though it doesn’t make the hurt go away, it at least helps me understand it.
I still grieve over the loss. I’m very sorry I lost her and I know I can never have her back. I have found attachments to fill the void, I have a wife now and a son. I have a lot of fun with my wife, she loves me very much and I love her, but I still have the pain in my heart for this one woman who left me so long ago. The pain may never really go away but I’ve come to deal with it. I tried to forget about her for the longest time, but I found the harder I tried to forget, the harder it was to forget. So I decided not to forget and it’s made things a little easier, though occasionally I still fall into a melancholy depression over her.
It’s time to move on. The class I am currently in is called “Sociology of Middle Eastern Society” and I’m excited about this one. I’m anxious to learn more about the history of the Middle East, it’s people, social structure, religion, etc. We’ve had our first class and I’ve read more than I was supposed to for our class tonight. Like any other class I will have to work hard, but at least in this one I’m very interested in the subject and am hungry for knowledge. We’ll see how it goes.
Asa Jay
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